Three
days ago I couldn't formulate any happy thoughts
because my
world was all about shit and getting shit on (not literally). When
things like
this happen to me, I do either of two
things: blurt
and repress, or stifle and repress. (Depending
on the remnant impact of myself and anybody involved dictates the
deciding
factor on the blurt/stifle 'switch)'.
Most times
I do repress, hooo boy I do repress like a mother fucker --
and this
week it was essential for me to bite my tongue. But built up
tension,
aggression, and a sex drive that's at a steady idle with no right
pedal... Big
trouble in little Emma.
Last night I talked to Shawn
who was sitting with Dr. K. Apparently
the issues between my blessed
editor and I could not go without counseling - and what better person
than the
elusive Dr. K to bless us with our much needed direction in hashing
things out. Unbelievably,
this man is extremely gifted in the ways of the psyche. I
don't
doubt for a minute that the fucker has prestigious awards pinned to his
cork
board. But with this one you have to have an understanding for
the bizarre.
So
yeah, therapy.
I cannot
begin to explain the conversation since everything the good Dr. says
cannot be
interpreted by a layman most times. Let's just say it was kinda fucked
up in a
'great fucking idea' sort of way and we'll carry on with the story.
"Perhaps
it's a fear of her ego
rising above
yours
Shawn, have you ever
dealt with authoritative repugnancy?"
"Pregnancy? No, i don't worry
about that with her."
*Emma eye roll*
"Repugnancy
Shawn jesus... Doc are you saying he thinks I boss him around and he
doesn't
like that? Tell him I don't Shawn."
 The doctor laughed
"No
my dear, I'm saying that I think Shawn
values
you very much and sometimes you demand much from each other, but it's
your
demands that also excite his monkey mind into fallacies of minimal self
esteem.
I think you need to consider your roles in your friendship and
companionship."
"Okay, I'm not married to
her... and you know this."
"No shit fuckstick. Thanks for
pointing that out as if the Dr. didn't
know."
*long pause*
"I suppose
what I was trying to achieve by saying
that is that instead
of adapting to your struggles on a daily basis, the two of you decide
who
really is the alpha-male. I think this too will aid our friend here in
some
comfort with authority and taking it constructively."
"okay, that's kinda fucked
up... because he's not my boss... I just
work
for the guy... I don't wanna be his alpha male."
"No fucking shit, I'M the alpha
male."
"Did you sense that Shawn was
not only offended by that statement but
that
he defied you taking the upper hand on the response? Why do I
feel as though you want to pick a
fight with EN instead of resolving the issue? What
are you not telling us Shawn?"
My editors
eyes
fell to the table as he pushed his drink a little and looked meekly up
at Dr.K “Because
I like it. I like it when we fight. I’m not sure about this
alpha male thing Doc,
I think I just really want to be humiliated by her… It’s the closest I
can
get to
fucking her without actually doing it. There's some sort of derranged
thrill there I guess. Fuck, I don't know.”
In return
to the
Editors response, Dr. K’s eyes lit up “So really there’s no
argument. You entice EN to fight with you because it
stimulates you sexually, that sounds reasonable.” He
then turns to me “EN it’s obvious
then that the Editor is repressing the desire to have intercourse with
you. Perhaps you two should sleep
together.”
I sit in awe, completely amazed
at
the Editors admittance and the doctors proposed question to me.
For once I didn’t have a cocky comeback or a
reassuring word "I need to be high right now because this makes no
sense, honestly...
I can’t
sleep with him,
it
would be like sleeping with
my brother. That’s unacceptable to me
and it would ruin the entire relationship we have.”
"Yeah, see that? She
won't fuck me anyway... not even pity. Bitch."
“But we’ve made great
progress. You two don’t fight because
you can’t see eye-to-eye, you fight because your editor takes on an
erection.”
“And
I use it too.”
Shawn sits a bit blushed, turning his focus to anybody in the club but
myself and the good doctor.
Meanwhile,
I sit
dumbfounded as the conversation goes on and on in
circles - finally becoming just as maddening as it was when it first
began.
Forty-five
minutes (and two joints) later we came to the understanding that good
therapy
for the both of us would be to finally conquer some of our fears, inner
turmoil, and frustration. Experience new things, feed the repression a
little -
call out the demons and deal with the Devil.
“What you need Shawn is to
engage in bondage and
discipline.”
“I don’t trust some weirdo to
hit me and talk shit
to me the
way I like it.”
“What about DJ? I’m
sure she could introduce you correctly.”
“Uh, no Doc, I’m positive she
would kick my ass and
leave me
for dead.”
Our eyes
wander over to DJ who now
sits at the bar, pulling
the facial hair of the man sitting next to her and laughing. She
notices us looking and pushes the patron
off of his barstool and unto the floor as steps on him - walking
towards us.
”Okay so Dr. K” I inquire quickly as DJ nears our
table “What’s the
prescription?"
"I think what you both
need is to
just kick the shit out of each other. It
would aid the Editors ability to relieve some sexual tension, and it
would assist
the anger you’re repressing EN. A
win-win situation if you will."
“I
never said I was
angry about anything, much less repressing.”
“But you are EN my
dear, you are. You’re just not
interested in sharing why.”
Dr. K
reaches out for DJ who leans into him, looks down to the Editor and
sneers “Why
Doctor you’re not in your office…. This discussion must be
important. What is it?”
This entitled a re-play of our
topic, which then meant that DJ was involved in
the decision making process. Ultimately,
this meant I got to be the
one to
introduce bondage and discipline to a friend – who had been
keeping a secret
love for sadism and humiliation locked
away for many years.
(Part II: Breaking the Boy)
The next
afternoon I left the
office with a gym bag
full of
“gear” and headed for my destination – with the sole purpose of
dominating my
friend.
I was far
from mastering
my BDSM technique alone, but
DJ had great faith in my ability to work by myself. Up to
this point I had only remotely dabbled
and teamed with my good friend on some of her “appointments”; never had
I
really been the dominant position for total control of the task.
As I
drove, I went
over some of the
things being a
dominatrix in control entails. A handle
on the environment, the vibe, the atmosphere of the experience for both
yourself and your slave, as it were. One
cannot let their submissive partner dictate anything but their
acceptance or
rejection to whatever you inflict upon them.
I admit I
felt a little embarrassed,
perhaps nervously
reluctant at the task at hand. But
knowing it would be helping not only myself with the alleviation of
repressed
disturbance in my soul, but helping a dear friend to connect with his
preferred
format of sexuality, made me feel a bit better. Like
a win-win of sorts.
I
pull behind the back of the building
and grab my gym
bag. During the day our nightly hang out
is pretty empty. It's easy to find a free room to let things fly
(so
to speak). I was welcomed by Todd, one of the owners, with a joke about
my “corporate apparel.” I found myself
none too happy about getting grief for being overdressed - I paused for
a moment
as I stepped to the bar to give him the option of shutting the fuck
up.
He, in turn, mentioned that he was “well
aware” of what I came here to do. He
thought it was the greatest thing ever and gave me a free drink of
choice.
Due to my
overwhelming
nervousness of course I felt I needed a
shot of Jaeger with a
Coke/151 backer – once swallowed and set in my stomach, it was all good
until I
realized maybe one more wouldn’t be so bad… and then it was “on with
the show.”
The
drunken buzz came on while changing
out of the business
work attire and into my Mistress stuff. Slowly
I teetered and bounced around in the
store room, knocking down
products and bags of bar chips from the shelves around me.
Slowly the
dress, panties, stockings and boots
replaced the
business suit, blouse and high heels. I
stuffed my ‘monkey suit’ into the duffel bag and grabbed my whip,
gloves,
restraints, and my…. “Holy fuck, where’s
my paddle?”
I tore
the bag apart looking
for my misplaced prop and relented that I had forgotten it on the
kitchen
counter at home. Uhh, whoopsie!
 So I did what any
good Mistress does and click-click-clicked
out into the empty bar room and asked to borrow Todds’
paddle.
He retrieves it from behind the bar and
slides it over to me. I take one more shot of Jaeger for
good measure, noticing
how much I really don’t like it.
Let’s get
something straight though, before I
tell the rest
of this story.
This
“therapy” (as Dr.K calls it) did not
include me
sleeping with Shawn, or putting my lips, hands, anywhere near him
except to
induce consensual pain or pleasure with a defined boundary.... It was
meant to
be the tease of all teases for Shawn, and his first experience into a
comfortable "fold" of
BDSM.
And all
the plans and arrangements in my head for how
I would do it seemed to have to come into fruition a bit before I was
ready; because 25 minutes later I stood there in a room with
Dr.K and Shawn - and shit was strange.
The rooms
in the back of the club are very small, with
the only light
provided by a swinging ceiling lamp. Of course the
enviroment is perfect for this type of thing -If you want a dark and
dirty ambiance. But it’s all I can
do to keep myself “bitchy”, because part of me wanted to
laugh at Shawns disposition in the center of the room... or at least
the experience of it all.
Of course,
it didn’t help when Dr.K would try
and assist my aggression – perk it, cause it to rage. The more he
seemed to go on, the more I
wanted to tie him up and beat him as well.
So there
Shawn sat
half naked, tied to a chair. His head hung a bit and his hands
were clasped in his lap – he looked peaceful at the moment, though
bizarre only
being in his underwear. As he raised his
eyes to me he looked a bit startled at my gear and equipment - I
realized that he had never seen me in my domme wear. His eyes
caught a bit of a sparkle and he smiled at me oddly - reminding me that
I looked abnormal (being such a small chick in such a
"big"
outfit). He then starts to giggle and chide about how not
intimidating I looked.
“So it
sounds as if you are trying to antagonize Emma... Are
you?” Dr. K's soothing voice
rattled
around in my soul like a lopsided ping-pong ball as I secured Shawns
restraints - linking
the gag ball in place, and checking his wrist cuffs one more
time... Dr. K continued to resound "Do you
have something to say to him Emma?"
I
sneered at Dr. K’s therapy
tactics, since I can think of
many things I’d like to say to Shawn – But the only thing that left my
lips was
a pre-warning of sorts to my submiss instead of the shitty remark I
wanted to throw at him in compensation for his shit talking about my
outfit. I was trying to be respectful, but I soon learned that
Shawn didn't want such things.
“I have no idea
what your tolerance is like, and neither do
you. Don’t forget to use your safe
gesture and breath through your nose as much as possible.”
Shawn
nods, not being able to speak
through the ball stuffed
tightly in his mouth. His eyes showed excitement and he seemed to
be at ease so far. I
raise my foot and prop it on his bare thigh “Show it to me…
show me the gesture.”
Shawn giggles and
defies me... I
dig my boot heel into his leg a little as I lean in and fold my arms
against my
leg
“Now shawn, do it now.”
Shawns
eyes flinch a bit and his fingers
begin to
flutter.
I see the sign and ease up a
little on his skin… I smile, as Dr. K
bellows from the corner "Let
yourself go you two, it's time to express the
knot."
 I
step back a bit, and hit the stereo sound
system as the
play list I compiled begins to stream through the room, you could
almost feel
the sound waves bouncing off the walls as the energy of the room picked
up and
the atmosphere was complete.
I
approached Shawn who seemed to be trying to grin through his mouth
restraint, "You hear that loser?" I chorlted to him, "It's time
to
express the knot?! Whatever the fuck that means.... I guess
I hit you now."
I was trying not to laugh. The only knots I could see were on the
ropes that were currently chafing and digging into my partners arms and
ankles. Shawns
fingers flittered frantically -
which called my attention to his hands.
He was flipping me off - teasing me to do my worst. So I
reared back and slapped
him as hard as I
could across the face with my bare hand, and it felt absolutely
wonderful.
He moans
for a moment and
winces, then he
giggles a little and drools. Stupid ass.
"I
don't think Shawn understands the consequences of
defiance.” Dr. K boasts “
Make him comfortable mistress."
"Or maybe
it's that I hit like a girl..." I felt silly, kinda. But in
a whole other way I felt a bit powerful. "Honestly I'm not sure you've
got the right girl for this."
"What do you think he wants?" Dr. K sat smoking in the
corner. "He wants to be comfortable Emma. Make him
comfortable."
... make him
comfortable....
Mistress... hmmm, Mistress.. okay. Wait, comfortable? What
the fuck? My hand
comes
down and connects with his face again, this time leaving a mark on his
cheek, Shawn sighs with satisfaction, his teeth burrow into the plastic
ball cinched between his teeth."Yeah,
you like that? Do ya?"
I smack him again, this time
harder.... again he reciprocates with a look of pleasure and closes his
eyes. "Oh you sick little boy... You like that.... That's a
little more of what
you wanted huh shithead?"
“Oh
my dear Emma, DJ would be so proud of you.” Dr. K glows
excitedly as he watches me circle Shawns chair like a shark,
running my fingertips softly over his shoulders and along the back of
his neck. If Dr. K only knew how strange I
felt right
now in my own head. This feeling of
wanting to dominate my friend was slowly becoming an awkward vent fest
for me…
But Shawn just sat there smiling ridiculously, so I kept pushing.
I
planted my boot against his chest
and pushed the chair a
little. I'd reached for my
paddle as it teetered, Shawn continues to smile as the paddle follows
along his skin softly, only to slap hard in an instant with no warning
- I could see the excitement in him
growing
by the bulge forming in his briefs. “Oh, that’s
more your style is it?”
I kick the
chair over onto it’s back and Shawn
slams against the cold
tile floor –along with the chair he is tightly bound to. I
circle around and position myself directly
above his face, squatting to lean as I drag the tip of the paddle
against the length of his chest and smile down at him.
He
started laughing - again.
So I giggled a little as well; which at
the time I felt was wrong to break character, but I learned later that
it
actually served to make Shawn more comfortable in totally trusting me
and
submitting to me. This would be a bonus
going forward that afternoon.
“Now
there we go… much better, only I think we need you in a
different position.” I moved to undo his knots to release him
from the chair,
but Dr. K rose from his corner and approached the chair, extending his
arm to
stop me.
“Here, let
me
assist you with that.” He smiles as
he uses his foot to kick the
chair on it’s side – Shawn with it.
Dr.
K snickers and returns quietly to his corner, motioning me to
proceed. For a moment I stand baffled and confused at
this; but Shawn just laid there on his side, stuck to the chair,
laughing like
a fool.
“What’s
so fucking funny Shawn?” My smile
breaks a bit and I find myself
regressing back into bitch mode. “Is it
fucking hilarious?” Shawn giggles
and
snorts as he laid there helplessly. I
begin to rub the soft leather of the paddle on his exposed upper thigh
but his briefs were in the way, so I yanked the side down to expose one
side of
his ass
and pressed the paddle against his bare skin.
Then
moving it slowly I growled down to my entertained
partner “Is this
experience famous to you yet?”
Shawn
nodded no, and snorted
again from behind his
gag
ball. I retracted my arm and slammed the
paddle on the side of his bare ass; Shawn jumps to alertness and groans
a
little. “Is it famous now
fucker?”
For the
next 30
minutes I took much
pleasure in
experimenting with many different BDSM techniques that I had seen done
and been
taught, but never done for myself. For
the very first time I was able to use the velvet glove technique, and
really
get down the patterns for whip play almost down to a science. I
had Shawn bound, twisted, retorted and
afflicted for every second of that clock. His
underwear never came off fully expect to
spank his bare ass – which
I must say, was an unforgettable experience.
And all
the while I
could see that
Shawn was enjoying
himself immensely, and Dr. K continued to chime in with
support. A couple of
times so much so, I
wondered who
the therapy was really for – Shawn or I? “Take
control of it now my dear girl I think you’re making progress.”
 I would drag the
very tips of my whip across his nose until
he wanted to sneeze and then pull his head back tight to keep him from
doing
it. I don’t think one inch of his flesh was sparred infliction. I
dug my heel in his stomach, “I will fuck
you up... and don't think I won't do it...." I pulled on his
nipple
piercing until he screamed. I traced the outline of his manhood with
one finger
but never gave him the pleasure of any skin on skin connection.
I
whispered dirty in his ear "You want
some of this
fucker?" and peeled my panties from my body, undoing the
gag-ball just
long enough for him to get a word or two out, and then shoved my
panties in it
to shut him up. “That’s about as
close as you’re gonna get, now chew.”
For
an hour and a half we fluxed and
played as the music
boomed through the room, and Dr. K had smoked at least a pack of
cigarettes. Shawn just took it all in
happily; sometimes with blindfold on, but often with his blindfold off
so he
could see the lustful craze in my eye as we went along.
And as I
watched the pleasure exude from
his face, and heard
the muffled climax from his panty-filled mouth - I witnessed a poor
broken man
that loved what he just had coming to him. It
was then I realized that this would be
Shawns choice of sexual
preference – humiliation, deviation, and bondage.
He
sat there on the floor spent and
broken, areas of his
skin were welted and perhaps even a little purple. I threw myself
into a new pair of panties,
realizing that Dr. K had been in that fucking corner the whole time
with me
bottomless… I must have been really focuseded – but no matter.
I lean down to Shawn as he sighs deeply; once
my panties were removed from his mouth and his cuffs were undone, he
looked to
me as I sat next to him on the floor:
“Starfucker,
that was famous.”
I
laughed “I really thought I hurt you
though, there’s
weirdness there for me I think.”
“Is it
something you could get comfortable with?” He smiles
and rubs his ass a little, flinching. “You
know, this floor feels good on my
ass… It’s so cold.” He smiles.
“I
could, it’s a hell of a way to unleash stress… your ass
hurts, huh? Yeah I guess it would… Let’s
get you up and washed.”
Shawn
props himself up to his feet and
walks gingerly to
grab his clothes and head off “...because
you know If you want to use me to get
comfortable with it, and well…”
He
starts to break into laughter as he gives me the thumbs up “It’s
the panty thing, aces on the fucking
panties in the mouth move…”
And as he
and
Dr. K shuffle out
of the door together I hear Shawn snap "And what the fuck
K? Why did you kick me over like that... Shit hurt!" They
bellow down the hall together and leave me standing alone - with
a chair and all my
gadgets… my lust... Realizing that two grown men just left
together - one basically naked.
I sit and
recollect everything
– saving them in my
mind like
Polaroid’s.
I felt golden.
I felt refreshed
I felt
like making some one feel like dogshit for my
own sexual and emotional pleasure was something I could do every
Thursday.
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