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I'm Jack and I'll be your porn reviewer. They call
me Dirty Old Man even though I shower daily.
I'm
not an extremely
wordy guy and I hate spoilers, so you won't find any of those... Or
Disney movies like Finding Nemo, though I'm certain there's some sort
of Freudian/Oedipus issue in all or most Disney Classics that teeter on
fetishry anyway.
Recommend
a movie for Jack to watch!
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Five Doors to Ecstasy
This is Fetish movie from Private studios.
Private makes some pretty decent flicks and I
especially like their fetish collection. This movie is segmented
into various scenes, it's not written or presented like a full
feature. But what porn is, right?
On to the move review, 'cause that's what you came for.
The first door is Possession. I really love when porn directors get
artistic, just as long as they stay in context.
This particular door is an outdoor scene and Christina Bella is
dressed in an all leather
halter and looks ready to beat the shit out of the dork wearing an all
leather body
suit. Unfortunately, when the guy sheds the leather mask... the
scene doesn't get any prettier.
Christina takes control, and as she
does she
takes off this "masked mans" pants to reveal he is wearing rubber
underwear with the
balls cut out - It looks slightly
uncomfortable. After sucking on his nice
size cock, Christina leans back against a tree and allows him to eat
her out.
After they fuck for a little while,
including
anal, he comes on her tits in true porno fashion. And we move on
to the next door.
The second door is Perversion.
The beginning of this scene is only slightly
annoying in comparison to the rubber crotchless underwear outdoor motif
of the first door. Let me paint a picture for you;
an older rich chick is
chauffeured around in the back of a convertible by a bullish looking
dude. They eventually pick a young blonde
hottie who
just happens to be standing on the side of the road (why doesn't shit like that ever happen
to me?).
After a little making out (between the two girls) in the
car they
arrive at the older womans home and down into some strange underground
garage filled with, of all things, hay. Before
long the blond
gets down to business, rips the younger girls panty hose open and
starts cleaning the
kitty.
Of course, no lesbian scene is complete
without strap-ons, right? And both of these beauties gear up
for a fun back and forth scene.
The
blond gets busy first, but at one point the older chick goes nuts and
bends the
blond over and starts pounding away. The
blond really gets into it and grabs her dildo and in true Ozzy fashion
bites
the head off and spits it out for a fantastic orgasm.
The third door is Greed, stop me if
you've heard this one - A hot blonde in a
wedding dress walks into a
fetish bar with two men on leashes. Oh, perhaps
you hadn't heard it. Yes, it sounds like a great set-up for a
punchline but I kid you not! And the men on leashes aren't just
any men - they are 'dog-men'. Frothing and snarling, barking... No
shit!

So the chick locks her man-dogs in their cage and goes in search for a
fuck toy. She finds her subject not far in
the back of the bar wearing welders mask. Yes, a welder in a
bar... enough said.
She begins to order him around and before you know
it hey break
out a dildo. In normal porn fashion the woman fucks herself while
he makes good use of his
mouth in all the right places. It ends
really too abruptly when he jizzes on her.
At the climactic third door scene
ends we find ourselves walking back with our mistress out to her
man-dogs and engaging in a little puppy love.... What
the fuck is this?
The Humane Society?!
Okay, moving on to door number 4, and that is the door of
Submission.
The first thing we see in this
scene is a couple of
chickens in a doorway of what looks like a stable. Now this could be a farm scene gone bad or a brief
intermission or poultry porn. I
don't see any
cocks around but what the hell, it could be interesting.
A hottie
in red PVC walks into the stable with a guy acting like a horse. The two go for a little roll in the hay, fuck
in every position and he eventually cums on her boots.
Usually you see the money shot on the tits,
ass, chin, back - so it was a pleasure to watch. And it's
hot! Until she makes him bend over and
lick it off....
Okay the chickens in the scene are kinda
distracting.
This scene feels a little
drawn out and I really would have liked them to put more time and
empasis on the other scenes rather than making this one as long as it
was.... but when she whips out the butt plug it's all good.
Did I mention the chickens were distracting? Just
making sure. Where's the guy in welding mask?

The fifth and final door is Ecstasy.
Sorry no little blue pills behind this door! This scene has the whole
menage feel with two couples sharing the scene eventually even though
it starts with a chick in a latex body suit, hands bound to rope
suspended from the ceiling
fucking herself on a large black dildo.
Two men and a chick enter the room and that's
when the fun begins. After putting her
on what looks like a hospital gurney table; they paint her nipples with
wax and fuck her some more with the
large black dildo she was enjoying at the beginning of the scene.
Then the foursome pair off
and begin to fuck themselves silly, this lasts a good twenty minutes
before it ends with both guys’ cumming into bowls
and the chicks attempting
to drink them. I still think one chick
misses her mouth on purpose. Fucking
cunt!
All in all, this movie does take us through all five doors
of Ecstasy, even if the last one is named Ecstasy, but it is not the
road less traveled. Most of the scenes
have a
been-there-done-that feel, but they are hot and maybe a little crazy
for those
who have only experienced some basic, vanilla-type porn.
Thanks for reading and until
next time remember to keep your
lubed hand off the remote!
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